adellis - retreat

Some of you may know that when I was single I'd sometimes "go on retreat." This meant I didn't answer my phone, I didn't answer email, I didn't answer the door, and I'd hide in the dark so no one would know I was home. Basically, I'd lay around and feel sad and wear the same clothes and not shower and eat lots and lots of anything I could find and watch Lifetime for Women.
Sometimes this would last for a day.
Sometimes a weekend.
If I was really bad? A week.

I found something out recently, shhhhh, you can't go on retreat with kids.

It's true. I've tried. Some days I wake up and I feel so retreatish it's not even funny. I want to stay in bed and hide. But then someone is pulling the covers off my head and saying, "pease, momma? Pease? Oatmilk?" and another is kicking in his bassinet and smiling and I have to get out of bed and act like a mom. Usually I can sort of rally. Maybe I don't get dressed really, maybe I don't shower, maybe I eat my way through the pantry, but I'm still up. I'm still sort of playing Legos.

Well, recently I've had a few of these days. I decided in my head that I had to make up a new kind of retreat since laying in bed isn't really an option.

So here's my first step: I am going to have myself a triathlon.
I'm going to run around my neighborhood six times. That equals three miles about.
Then I'm going to get on my big heavy old mountain bike and ride to the rec center.
Then I'm going to pay three dollars and run into the locker room and change my clothes.
Maybe I won't even use a dressing room like those old ladies who used to walk around naked at my hometown rec center locker room with their boobs swinging and their fat hanging off and they didn't even care. I was terrified for them but also secretly jealous. That they could laugh and change into their big flowered swimming suits and talk about the weather and not care about their cottage cheese. They were beautiful.
Maybe I'll do that. Or maybe I'll still change in the dressing room. But either way, I'm going to get in my swimming suit and then I'm going to swim 800 meters in the pool.
It may take me four hundred hours but I'm going to do it.

I'll tell you step number two when I figure it out. It has to do with writing I hope.